January 20, 2010

Reentry #1 – Puerto Rico to the US

I decided it would be a good idea to go to San Juan for 4 days. I had questions, and needed answers: How much rum could a 5’2″ Delawarean swallow? How burnt could my central-european-complexion get from two hours in the Caribbean sun? And, do Puerto Ricans consider themselves American or not?!?!?! 

We aimed for the beach. Instead, we stumbled into a festival.

Saint Sabastian was a martyr, tied to a stake and  killed by Roman archers in 288 CE. Luckily he converted a few people before hand. To celebrate, all of Puerto Rico congregates for four days and throws an awesome party.  Friends, if I get shot to death by arrows, please do the same in my honor. (Refer to video below for references). So, those festivities were our nights, all four of them. During the days, we made the most of sobriety and learned about our surroundings. First of all, everyone in San Juan is actually from Brooklyn. I have suspicions about a NY/PR exchange program. The ocean was beautiful, the street food was perfect & fried, the public transportation was — unreliable — but there were plenty of people to direct us — whether or not they were right.

A few characters worth mentioning: Ricky Ricardo the kitten who went hiking with us (video soon to follow); A creepy old man who started masturbating while we were waiting for a bus (sorry, no video); The wonderful staff of Delta airlines who switched us to a direct flight back to New York. God bless their hearts. Thanks to them I’m home.  Shantal is swimming, marcel is singing, plants are mostly photosyntheszing. 

Reentry #2 – Arrythmia

There is a phenomenon in cardiology  called “Reentry”.  Imagine a myocardial infarction, where some of the heart muscle dies. If there’s a scar after the heart attack, it effects the electrical pulse that goes through the heart. Instead of going forward and making a normal heart beat, the pulse loops back around the scar, goes to its origin, and starts over. Like going through a revolving door over and over. Poof >> Reentry. That’s one way arrythmias can happen.

Yep, I brought my school books to PR. I’ll be honest, I probably studied two hours a day… The trip wasn’t just a birthday party for MLK, turned drunken funeral for a saint. It was one of several experiments I’ve planned this semester. My hypothesis: I can pass medical school and still live it up… Today was the first day back. The mid term is next Monday. We’re in the midst of collecting data, but the results look promising. 

Reentry #3 – Pelvic exam

Did I mention I learned what someone else’s vagina feels like tonight? (again, sorry no videos). And not just how it feels… I have examined the cervix!!! AND the rectum. EEEEEEEK. Unfortunately I know too many offensive female genitalia jokes to be a good OB/Gyn. Here are some of my favs. Mostly rated NC-17; can’t say I didn’t warn you.  

(Aunt Mimi, Mom, and Dad, if you decide to keep reading sorry in advance.)

– What’s the useless flap of skin around a vagina? …. A woman.

– What did the blind man say when he went to the fish market? ….”Hello Ladies!”

– Why do they call a pap smear a “pap smear”? …. Because no one would do it if it was called a “c**t scrape”. 

Wow, on that note, I’m signing off. Kitten video and more soon to come.


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