Roz and Claire take over the world. Or, Operation Shake Up Update

March 13, 2011

This weekend Claire and I practiced what life will be like when we are powerful Jewish women in Manhattan. We indulged in absurd cosmetic activities. We ate overpriced kosher roast beef. Finally we went to a brunch benefit for the Jewish Women’s Archive, which also commemorated the 100 year anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire.

Please keep in mind, we didn’t really pay for anything; except the beef, And even then we split one sandwich between the two of us. Our episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Jewish will have to wait. Right now my partner in crime and I are not in the most lucrative of careers… But, god, do we know how to find a bargain. Allow me to digress:

Last year – in the midst of my hypochondria – I convinced myself I had multiple sclerosis. One day I found out that I just had a partially herniated disc, was over caffeinated, and apparently I grind my teeth when I drink too much coffee. I know, right? Anyway, I was so relieved to not have a neurodegenerative disease I briefly slipped in to a hypomanic state. The sun was out. I was completely elated. I chatted with anyone in New York who would chat with me. Even the guy selling salon packages… long story short, I convinced him to sell me 4 for the price of 1. PLUS  ten tickets to the comedy club where he performs sometimes. But, it doesn’t get us out of the two drink minimum. (Anyone want to see some amateur comedian for the low low cost of two beers?)

Ten months and two salon packages later Claire and I have coolkid haircuts, our faces have been soaked in vitamin goo, and our backs rubbed with hot oil for 20 minutes. For the first time in my life, my eyebrows are waxed. I feel like a dorothy when she finally got to the emerald city.

Except, at the end, instead of a wicked witch invasion, we invaded the 2nd Ave Deli. Did I mention the roast beef sandwich we split? Did I mention the gravy and the fries and the unlimited pickles? Did I mention the shot of chocolate soda at the end. Dear lord in heaven.

Finally, today we celebrated our Hebrewness and our femininity by pseudocrashing a benefit for JWA. Claire scored free tickets last minute, available to us youngsters who did Avodah (C) and American Jewish World Service (me). Thank you, network.

Most of the ladies were the type of women who go to benefits for things like a Jewish Women’s Archive. If this is any indication what C and I will be like in 40 years, I am thoroughly  looking forward to wearing silk scarves and drinking wine before noon for a good cause.

One revelation we had today was to start a Debbie Friedman cover band, in memory of the best Jewish folk singer songwriter of her generation. Debbie passed away this year. We’re going to probably call ourselves the Debbie Downers and go the punk route. We’re in the market for a drummer.

For those of you who have never experienced the wonder that is Debbie Friedman, I will leave you with this:

(sing along!)

I am so mixed up that I cannot tell you,
I’m sitting in this blender turning brown.
I’ve made friends with the onions and the flour,
And the cook is scouting oil in the town.

I sit here wondering what will come of me,
I can’t be eaten looking as I do.
I need someone to take me out and cook me,
Or I’ll really end up in a royal stew.

CHORUS:

I am a latke, I’m
a latke
And I am waiting for Chanukah to come
I am a latke, I’m
a latke
And I am waiting for Chanukah to come

Every holiday has foods so special,
I’d like to have that same attention too,
I do not want to spend life in this blender,
Wondering what I’m supposed to do.

Matza and choroset are for Pesach,
Chopped liver and challah for Shabbat
Blintzes on Shavuot are delicious,
And gefilte fish no holiday’s without.

CHORUS

It’s important that I have an understanding
Of what it is that I’m supposed to do,
You see, there are many who are homeless,
With no jobs, no clothes and very little food.

It’s so important that we all remember,
That while we have most of the things we need,
We must remember those who have so little,
We must help them, we must be the ones to feed.

CHORUS

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